Pondering the Proverbs: An Underrated Peace

Proverb of the Week: (Courtesy of Leslie Pehl. Thanks Leslie!)
Better to live on the corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24

The Meditation: An Underrated Peace
Drama is in!

Look at the television listings today and you will be amazed at how much drama is on television! There are police and court room dramas galore! There’s supernatural drama and real-life drama. And then there’s family drama.

Family drama is big, especially on the soap operas. Usually these stories involve an all-too-proud husband, a couple of spoiled kids, and a quarrelsome wife. Mix in a few families with the same dynamics and you have a mighty explosion. Of course, they can never all get along. That’s the drama of it all. It starts when the wife gets fed up, the husband has an affair with the neighbor, and the kids are forgotten in the background. Then the fights, the revenge scenario, the breakups, each spouse finds a new mate, and the whole thing starts over again. The entertainment is in the who’s going where with whom...I think.

Of course that’s television, right? These events don’t ever translate into “real life”...right?

Wrong!

These events happen every day all around us. And they’re nothing new. In fact, Proverbs itself warns its readers not to bring drama into their household. From its warnings over child raising:

“Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.” (Prov. 19:18)

To it’s warnings over quarreling...

“A foolish son is his father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is alike constant dripping.”
(Prov. 19:13)

You could almost say that much of Proverbs is written to help extinguish drama in the household.

Drama might be entertaining when its happening to other people, but it can be extremely destructive when its happening to you. Drama can rip your family apart. It can create wounds that will never heal. It can separate parents, squash passion, and put everyone at odds with each other. Real drama is a terrible thing.

Thus Proverbs warns against quarreling, the foundation of drama. I often watch Dr. Phil, and one of the tactics he uses to wake parents up to their ways is to film them. A camera in the home will often capture things we don’t even realize we’re doing. And these parents and spouses who quarrel so much and bring drama alive in their homes never realize the impact that quarrel has on the children and on each other. They don’t listen to what they’re saying when they’re saying it. Everything is said for dramatic effect and to hurt the other person.

What if we could gain that distance without being on national television? What if we could understand the effect our words have on our spouses and children without having to hurt them at all?

That’s the purpose of Proverbs! To warn us! To help us see the futility of our quarrels.

When we’re arguing with our spouse, we can remember:
“Better to live on the corner of a house than to share a home with a quarrelsome spouse.”

And we can realize just how stupid we’re coming across as.

Or just before we choose yet another battle we just can’t win we can think:
“...a quarrelsome spouse is like constant dripping.”

Or before we make one more stupid comment on the cooking in our home we can know:
“Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.”(Prov. 17:1)

See, each and every verse can help us live a more peaceful life with our children, our family, and our spouses so that the drama we experience in life is only seen on television from the comfort of our peaceful living room. Amen.

Questions to Ponder
1) How pleasant are you to live with? Is your house full of conflicts and quarrels?

2) What part do YOU have to play in the drama that happens in your home? How could you step out of your part to squash the drama?

3) Should the Bible be used to improve our life? What other good advice have you found in its pages?

A Prayer to Pray
Almighty God, you have blessed us with families and communities. Shower your peace upon us that we might be patient and kind to others, for Jesus sake. Amen.

Pondering the Proverbs: Opinions...

Proverbs of the Day: One who spares words is knowledgeable; one who is cool in spirit has understanding.
Even fools who keep silent are considered wise:
When they close their lips, they are deemed intelligent.
(Proverbs 17:27-28)

Meditation: Does Everyone Get An Opinion?
Every morning, after sending the kids and the wife off to work, I jump on the internet to see what the news is. It’s a habit I’ve gotten into, to recharge my prayer requests and help me see what’s happening in the world. I check the news sits on Yahoo and the news on MSN mostly for their brevity. I don’t have to sit through a whole half-hour news broadcast of thumb through the papers. I can just read short sentences and find out what’s happening. For me, it’s one of the many joys of the internet.

Of course it’s not all perfect! If the news itself wasn’t enough to depress you, each of the sites have started taking opinions at the bottom of the article. “Comments” if you will. And these “Comments” truly reveal how ignorant we’ve become!

For instance, today on Yahoo you’ll read about the Super-Typhoon that ripped through the Phillipeans. What a terrible tragedy, huh? People are seen in the pictures running away from the storm carrying their loved ones in their arms. It’s truly a call to prayer as we lift up the people of the islands to God asking for his protection against this savage storm.

The whole article makes your heart break...until you get to the end of the piece. There, where 503 comments have been posted as of this morning, you’ll read these comments:

“Can’t they just sacrifice some folks and calm down the water gods?”
“Hope they are all okay...but I was just wondering...I’ve never seen a filipino marry a filipino...almost all of them want to marry foreigners. I guess for them it’s a quick ticket out of their country, but marriage is something more than that.”

Now why did these two people need to comment on this article this way? Why do they offer the option to comment on the news at all? Is their opinion that wise and powerful to affect any who reads it? Why must they argue back and forth about the stupidest things when they know(or should know) there’s no way to sway anyone’s opinions? I honestly don’t understand... Does everyone get an opinion? And does everyone’s opinion count? If comments are left anonymously, do they still matter?

Our proverbs this week speak to this phenomenon. They might sound ancient. They might have been written years and years ago, but they are still most relevant today. And yet, in the present Age of Information, I think people miss what they’re saying. Keep your opinions to yourself! We get that... If you can’t say something nice and constructive, say nothing. Yeah... I understand. Even our grandparents would agree. They would say...

Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool...
Than to open it and remove all doubt.

Still some would ask... But what about what you type or write? What about the opinions you share on the internet, that big anonymous place? What about there? Is the internet a place where we can be free to share our opinions with each other, no matter how constructive or destructive they are? You’d think that was the case, given the flood of information and opinions that stream from people all over the world. The internet, they would argue, allows me to express my opinion with no consequences, no matter how hurtful it might be.

But what if these things were spoken aloud? Would any of them stand up and take credit for them? What if the things you type on the internet were read in public, with cameras fixed on you. Would you say it? I don’t think so. Most of the things that are written on the internet are NOT things people would readily share outside the internet. Most comments typed on Yahoo and other news sites wouldn’t be spoken in any public arena in the world. Spoken aloud, the foolish words

Opinions matter, that’s for sure, but opinions written at the bottom of most news items do little to increase anyone’s wisdom or understanding. Nor do they encourage productive conversation. Most comments just illustrate the measure of foolishness in our world! A measure that, if you read these comments, is off the charts!

So what do we do about it? What do we say?

Let’s look to Proverbs for answers. Proverbs tells us: “To watch over mouth and tongue is to keep our of trouble.”(Prov. 21:23). And the best way to watch over mouth and tongue is to avoid contention. Stop reading the comments! Just stop! If you’re an internet news junkie like me, avoid the bottom of the page. Just avoid it! If you’re not into the internet, there’s something to be said too. Avoid temptations that will lead you to open your mouth in foolish speech. Avoid such things.

And if you can’t avoid them... then use this simple rule. Give ten blessings for every criticism you give. If you have a list of ten criticisms, give ten blessings for each one of them. That’s over a hundred blessings! Shower good things upon the person! Not evil. If you must rebuke, do so in love and compassion, with their best interest in mind. Remember that the evil people perceive will be remembered far longer than the good you might have given.

This can apply to everything we say, not just what we type. Be compassionate. Proverbs also says: “The human spirit will endure sickness; but a broken spirit–who can bear?” (Prov. 18:14). Keep your hurtful words to yourself. Break not the spirits around you. For you never know how others will translate what you say. A “constructive comment” could be just another blow to your neighbor’s spirit.

We never realize the impact of our words on others. We can never fathom just how much of an impact we have on others in even the stupid comments we share. This, I think, the world has learned these past two weeks as the story of Tyler Clementi has risen out in the news. Tyler was the boy teased and picked on via Facebook. He ended up throwing himself off the George Washington bridge! That’s the power of words! That’s the tragedy of a broken spirit! When criticism has gotten too much, when the bad things really do outweigh all the good, even in perception. That’s what happens!

Let’s not let that happen! Let’s have every word from our mouth and every meditation of our heart be pleasing in the sight of our Lord Jesus Christ. For if we couldn’t say aloud it in front of Jesus, should we really be saying it or typing it at all? Amen!

Questions to ponder
1) How critical are you of other people? Your leaders? Your friends? Do others shun away from you when you open your mouth? Or are they anxious to hear what you have to say?

2) How could your words be better pleasing to God? Set a watch over what you say and what you type to other people this week. How might you censor your own foolishness?

3) Try this: When critical thoughts come to your mind about a particular someone, think of ten blessings and compliments you could share with them. And then share it! How does that change the way you view the world?

A Prayer to Pray
Word of God, your presence among us here reminds us that words are powerful. You have spoken grace and forgiveness to us. May we share that same grace and forgiveness in everything we say, write, text, or type, for Jesus sake. Amen.

Pondering the Proverbs: A Cure for Anxiety

Proverb of the Day: An anxious heart weighs a man, but a kind word cheers him up.
Proverbs 12:25


The Meditation: The Cure for Anxiety
Stress is everywhere these days it seems. Go to the grocery store sometime and see it for yourself. It’s etched on the faces of the cashier. It’s scribbled across the brow of the stock boy. It’s colored on most every person that walks through the door. It’s like set of invisible pencils, coloring how we see ourselves and how others perceive us as well. Check it out for yourself! You’ll be surprised.

People today are stressed about everything. The economy and their shrinking pocketbooks, children and their welfare, the president, the wars, the weather! And those are only a few! Stress at home, in our relationships there. Stress in the workplace as job prospects remain uncertain. Stress that follows health problems. Stress that follows reputation. Spiritual stress, emotional stress, physical stress. Stress that follows stress! The list goes on and on.

And these problems are a burden on us...literally! Studies show that stress can actually weigh a person down. It can bend a back. It can cause all sorts of stomach problems. It can twist and change a person, and isolate them in their home. Stress is, as one book describes, an invisible tiger, sitting on your back, watching and waiting to strike. The anxious heart really does weigh a person down.

Stress is nothing new. The people of the Bible struggled with stress. Otherwise it wouldn’t have been in the Bible and it wouldn’t appear in Proverbs. But the book of Proverbs itself has many examples of stress. From...
An anxious heart weighs a man, but a kind word cheers him up.
Proverbs 12:25

To...
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22

The book of Proverbs is full of metaphors describing stress and its affect on human hearts.

Personally I like the image of dried up bones to describe the state of people’s hearts today. Bleached white, dried up bones, seems perfect to describe how people are living today. Sit in that same grocery store and watch people enter in. People really do wear their hearts on their sleeves. Some will appear nervous and uncomfortable. Some will seem rushed. Others you will sense a deep longing, a weight and a hunger within them. And others may be happy to be there. All have differing “heart states”, if you will, each one different from the other.

But we have some remedy for that. We have a way to affect the lives of others for the better. Our first proverb calls this power “kind words”, while the later proverb calls it a “cheerful heart.” In any case, how we encounter others will affect their day, neutrally, positively, or negatively.

Suppose we walk up to the cashier, ignore who they are, forget to call them by name, impersonally pay for our items, and leave. We won’t be remembered two hours later. We will have done nothing wrong. A simple transaction was all we came in for. But we will have done nothing right either. Our affect on their day will be neutral.

Or suppose we storm up to the cashier, making demands, growling under our breath. We argue with them, pay little attention to their feelings, and leave, storming out the door. We may be remembered...but mostly in a negative light. And if anything is going wrong in their lives, we will have only amplified its affect.

But suppose we walk up to the cashier, greet them by name(which every one of them has posted on their sleeve.). We notice what they’re wearing, how they look today. We laugh with them, tell them how much we appreciate them, thank them for their hard work, and leave with a smile. How will that have affected them? You guessed it! You will be a positive affect in their life. They might remember you, what you said. Or not. But in any case, you will have made them feel better about themselves and their day. You will have “cheered them up”. You will have been “good medicine” for them. You will have made their day a little brighter.

But more than that. You will have been Christ to them. Our Lord Jesus tells us: “Whatever you do to the least of these you do it for me.”(Matthew 25:40). When you brighten someone’s day you are being Christ to them. You are sharing the love of Jesus with them. And you are helping them through. And whether they know why you did it or not. Whether they realize that you are being kind for the sake of Christ, doesn’t matter or not. You will have brightened their day, warmed their hearts, and reached out in love and compassion toward them.

There’s a song we sing every so often at church. It’s called “Brighten the Corner Where You Are.”

Do not wait until some deed of greatness you may do,
Do not wait to shed your light a far;
To the many duties ever near you now be true,
Brighten the corner where you are.

Brighten the corner where you are!
Brighten the corner where you are!
Someone far from harbor you may guide across the bar,
Brighten the corner where you are!

Just above the clouded skies that you may help to clear,
Let not narrow self your way debar;
Tho into one heart alone may fall your song of cheer,
Brighten the corner where you are!

Here for all your talent you may sure fined a need,
Here reflect the Bright and Morning Star;
Even from your humble hand the bread of life may feed,
Brighten the corner where you are!

The songwriter might have jumped right out of Proverbs. For that is the message there too. Use your kind words to lighten hearts and your cheerful spirits to change life for Christ Sake. Amen!

Questions to Ask

1) Think of a time when you were feeling down. Did anyone ever say anything that made you feel better? Worse? How did words affect your life either positively or negatively?

2) When have you reached out in love and compassion to another? Have you seen a change in them? In the way they acted or responded to you? Imagine if you did that more often.

3) If you are feeling down and worn out yourself, where will you find the energy, strength, and positive push to reach out to others?

A Prayer to Pray...

God of the stranger, you encounter us in the least of these that surround us each and every day. Open our eyes that we might see their needs, their hurt and wants. And give us your Spirit that we might share with them the simple words of love and by sharing be changed ourselves, through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Pondering the Proverbs: A Startling Application

Proverbs of the Day:

“All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.” Proverbs 21:2
““Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”
Proverbs 26:21-22
“Answer a fool according to his folly or he will be wise in his own eyes.” Prov. 26:5
“An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Proverbs 24:26

Meditation: A Startling Application

Just when I start to think that the Bible speaks only to people long dead, that it has nothing to say to me in my life, BAM! something happens! A verse here, another verse there, and suddenly the Bible is speaking to ME in MY situation. Like a teacher God suddenly appears sitting in the room with the wisdom of the centuries to show me how best to proceed.

It all started with one simple verse.

“All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.” Proverbs 21:2

I started thinking about the many conversations I’ve had with people. Conversations around their lives and how they live. The priorities they’ve set and the habits they’ve acquired. I started thinking about the people I’ve spoken to about worship, their attitudes and their opinions. And I realized something I hadn’t ever realized before.

No matter what I said, nothing I said or did would ever change their minds!

One woman told me she didn’t need church. She could pray and worship all by herself in her own home. When I tried to tell her what the community of believers meant, she calmly dismissed it. Another woman told me she was taking a break from church and, despite my pleas to the contrary, she hasn’t returned for months. There are others like them. And that’s not all. Even in my own family, my pleas for change have fallen on deaf ears. Like many families, certain unhealthy habits have crept into my family, poisoning the very air they breathe. Do I mention these habits to them, despite all that I have tried? I’ve tried to point it out...but nothing seems to change.

Scripture didn’t seem to help me out of my distress...

“Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Proverbs 26:21-22

More hope for a fool than for them? Really? Though I knew that what I told them fell on deaf ears I thought there must be a way to change them. Maybe with a little more convincing or a better argument. Or maybe they just need to hear, one more time, how much I care? Surely there is hope for them in that, right? Right? I was a Philosophy major in college and the thought that a good argument can’t fix things cuts me to the core! Maybe it’s the reason why I just can’t give up on them! Though my arguments fall on deaf ears, I think maybe the next argument or the next Sunday we’ll see some change.

So should I shut up about it? Should I go on and not say a word about it? Should I forget that it even bothers me?

No, the Bible says, you need to speak...

“Answer a fool according to his folly or he will be wise in his own eyes.” Prov. 26:5

Despite being reminded of their inability to change, I still have an obligation to speak. Or they will remain wise in their own eyes. But what do I say? And how do I say it? Do I try to argue with them as I have before? Do I confront them with their mistake? Do I lord it over them, act as though I have wisdom and they don’t?

I didn’t do any of this before...but I could try...

Still, God speaks to me through the Scripture.

“An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Proverbs 24:26

So this is what I will say. I will speak the truth in love.

I will answer them as they present themselves. You see, the mistake I make is in the answer I give. In the course of conversations, I tend to shy away from conflict. I do not speak what is on my heart. I fail to tell the woman who thinks she can make it on her own that the church offers the means of grace, Holy Communion and Holy Baptism, that cannot be taken for ourselves apart from the community of believers. I fail to speak words of grace to those burned out at the church, offering them the free grace of God that comes without any work on our part.

To my own family, I turn away when they go out for a cigarette. I ignore the beer bottles littering their room. I fail to tell them just how much they mean to me and how it kills me that they’re doing this to themselves.

But an honest answer, that’s what I can give. A word of truth spoken in love. To confront those who don’t see a need for church with the means of grace. To quietly remind those who have wandered astray that we still care. To tell my family members how much they mean to me. And to pray.

That’s what I can do.

It might not change things right away. I may not see them in worship next Sunday. My family may still suffer from addiction. But I trust. I trust in God whose Word Incarnate transforms lives each and every day. I trust in the God who created the world out of nothing, who split the Red Sea and caused the wind and the waves to calm down. I trust in God who makes all things new...even us! Amen!

Questions to Answer
1) Do these verses: Proverbs 24:26; Proverbs 26:21-22; Proverbs 26:5; Proverbs 21:2. Do they apply to you in your life? Can you think of an application for YOU?

2) When have you read the Bible and had the words JUMP out off the page at you? Were they words of comfort or of instruction? Did they remind you what God was doing or show you what to do yourself?

3) Do you have anyone who could use an honest answer from you? What is stopping you from sharing what you truly feel with them?

End with Prayer
Gracious God, you call us into community with others. Give us the words to say that we might speak the Truth in love and that your Son might be known through everything we say and do. Amen.