A Note from a Wanderer

"Then he led out his people like sheep, and guided them in the wilderness like a flock." Psalm 78:52
 
A Note from a Wanderer
By Rev. William Dohle

I swore it wouldn't happen...but it did. I hoped it wouldn't happen. I wished it wouldn't happen. I thought: "Surely this time it'll be different." But it happened.

I am wandering in the wilderness.

My wandering manifests itself in many ways but has really become apparent in my blog. Five years ago I promised that I would "Blog through the Bible" in an attempt to get through the wilderness of scripture from Genesis to Joshua. I blogged through Genesis with flying colors and Exodus as well. I even hurdled through Leviticus pretty well(Leviticus is always the book I stop on when I decide(as I have before) to read through the entire Bible!).

But then came the book of Numbers.

I love Numbers. I really do. The way it mixes law with story. The way it goes back and forth between Moses' frustrations with the people of Israel and God's instructions. It's really awesome.

But it's also about wilderness and I found myself slipping into the wilderness it describes. It grew harder and harder to post on the text. I found so much in one chapter, but when I was finished with it there was always another. And instead of calling out in me inspirational stories that would touch and encourage others, the text drew out the complaining Israelite in me, always looking backward to the land that I left, always eager for what I don't have. My reflections grew more and more critical until the last one(which I still have unpublished) when I growled and complained my worst. That was when I just stopped writing.

The wilderness was around me. And I was wandering in it.

As I stood there in the middle of my wilderness, I wondering how long that would last. The people of Israel wandered around in that wilderness for forty years the Bible says. I don't know if that number is literal or not, but we are told that it took a whole generation of people before they found their way to the Jordan and across the promised land. A whole generation in the wilderness!

Would it take that long for me? I hope not. I hope it doesn't take that long to escape that wilderness for me. But I know this place. I've been here, wandering this wilderness before. In my personal and professional life, I find its allure hard to resist. The temptation to wander instead of focus, to criticize instead of construct, to complain instead of follow. Those temptations are great here in the wilderness.

Maybe that's why Jesus was thrust into the wilderness by the Spirit. Maybe that's why he met the devil here. Because the wilderness holds temptation that draws you in, that holds your attention. Better to be a wanderer in the desert than to be one who actually makes a difference in the world. Easier to be a complainer of manna and quail than to actually decide to feed yourself.

I've been in this wilderness. It's a familiar place for me. I've been lost in its emptiness before...and I think you have been too.

Wandering in this desert isn't easy. Nor is it pleasant. But I do know this. No matter how lost we become, we're never truly lost to God. Even here God's presence goes with his people. Though the people wander, God never abandoned them. God doesn't leave them at the shores of the Red Sea or at Mount Sinai or even in the middle of the desert when they were bickering and complaining. God still stayed near them.

And I know that whatever wilderness you may be wandering in, and whatever wilderness I may find myself in, no matter however lost you feel right now, God is with you too. And he's with me. Even in the midst of our complaining, arguing, and procrastinating, God is still here.

So I vow that my blog will go on. My devotions will continue. The wilderness will be traversed. It may take a little longer than I anticipated, but that's a wilderness for you! And God will be with us all the way!

God of the wanderers, be near us when we find ourselves in the wilderness. Strengthen us that we may not fall into temptation, but remain faithful. Amen.