The Curse of the Eldest

"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'
" 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' " Luke 15:28-32

Being the oldest child is hard!

Not only are you responsible for your siblings, (especially when they’re 6, 8, and 10 years younger than you), but you’re also responsible for setting a good example and taking the blame. Especially taking the blame! Oldest siblings are assigned the most work to do and receive the least reward. They’re the first ones the parents call on to clean the living room or mow the grass or fix whatever problem they need fixing. They are promised things that never come true for them. They are assigned and given “responsibilities” and treated as adults before their time.

No wonder so many of us are Type A people!

I grew up as an oldest child and swore I would never put my son in that position. Never would I promise him things I didn’t fulfill right away. Never would I give them “special jobs” and their siblings “special privileges.” Never would I tell him one thing and their siblings something else. Never would I spend more time coddling over his siblings than I did over him. Never!

Of course I broke my word and the curse continues. Even today, when we want something done right away in the house, we call for William. When we want the living room straightened, we tell William it’s his job. When his sister needs the water turned on in the bathroom, William is the one we ask to assist.

And though he has special privileges that the others do not, he still ends up saying time and again: “It’s no fair! Why isn’t Matthew or Lynne helping??”

The “Eldest Son Curse” is the same curse that affects the eldest son in the parable of the Prodical Son. In the parable, the youngest son has just gone off, squandered his father’s property and returned broke. And his father has thrown a party to celebrate!

No wonder the eldest son is so upset! No wonder he’s outside the party moping! I would be too! We’ve all known people who take advantage of their parent’s love and generosity. But its hardest when those people are your own family!

But the father still loves the oldest and doesn’t give up on him. As the party rages on inside, the father is outside the house pleading with his son and saying something like: “Everything I have is yours! Why didn’t you do what you wanted to before? What were you so afraid of, losing my love? Abandonment? I don’t abandon anyone for anything! Even when they do what your youngest brother did! Come on! Let’s go in and celebrate with your youngest brother. Then we’ll talk about the party we’ll throw for you!”

We eldest aren’t as bold as our younger siblings. We won’t ask for certain things because we know the answer is probably no. We try to do our best and try to get away with things, all the while knowing our younger siblings have an easier time of it. We work hard for our families. We are determined. We’re not the first to ask for help. We’re kinda stubborn.

Put these descriptors on the eldest and you can understand him better. The fact is, though, that despite all this the father was throwing a party. The reason was pointless. The father was throwing a party, killing the fatted calf to celebrate, and there was singing and dancing going on. What more do you want? Why does the reason for the party matter? It’s time to celebrate!

God is throwing a party right now and you are invited! It’s a party for all the losers who’ve returned home. All the spent, empty people that have come crawling back. And for all the ones who’ve stuck around and held down the farm while the rest have gone off to play. It’s a party with Christ the fatted calf being the host. And it’s for us all! So quit your belly0aching! Quit your bean counting! Throw away your rule book! It’s time to celebrate! Are you gonna be left standing outside pouting? Or are you gonna jump in and dance? Amen!