Facing the Impossible-to-Pleases

When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.” Genesis 29:31-32

Facing the Impossible-to-pleases
By Rev. William Dohle

Ever had one of those moments that made you really stop and look at your life? A moment that challenged how you're living your life and what you're doing?

I had one.

November of 2010. I had just attended the best conference ever called "Courage to Lead." It's an awesome experience that dives deep into the heart of who we are. This one focused on clergy and who we are as leaders in our faith communities and who we are as people of God.

The whole retreat was amazing, but my moment came following an intensive clearness committee. A group of four people had surrounded me with their silence, their prayers, and their questions as I pondered why I keep trying to please people who are impossible to please.

Afterward, the rabbi in my group, grabbed me and took me upstairs.

"I know I'm not suppose to do this," he said. "But a Bible verse came to me and I just had to share it with you!"

He grabbed a Bible on the shelf and turned to the story of Leah and Rachel. We read it together, he translating what the words meant in Hebrew, me just listening. At the end he turned to me and said: "YOU are Leah! You are always trying to please everyone else, just as Leah tried to please Jacob. Do you ever think that Leah ever succeeded in winning Jacob's love?"

That question began haunting me then...and continues to haunt me now.

No one enjoys making people angry. That much is obvious. Even the most vocal of political commentators have apologized for offending another person with his words. We don't like to make people mad. We like others to be happy with us. Happy with what we're doing and how we're doing it.

But there are some people who will never be happy with you. Some people for whom you will work and work and stress and stress to please, but never come close to reaching their mark. They will always be upset with you about something or other. You will never be good enough.

I've faced those people. And so have you.

And if you continue to try to please them, we become like Leah, Jacob's first wife, who had over half Jacob's children, each time telling herself: "Now Jacob will love me!" Six times Leah conceives a boy for Jacob. After the sixth is born, Leah says: "This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons." Of course that never really happens.

Thankfully we have a God who is already pleased with us. Who loves us enough to send Jesus to die for us. Who accepts us as we are, forgives our mistakes, and transforms us by his Holy Spirit, all because of grace! He's already happy with us. He loves us no matter what!

And because of this grace, we needn't be tied to pleasing those impossible-to-please people. Our happiness is not determined by their happiness! I have found freedom from from this realization. I am not tied to the opinion the impossible-to-please people have of me. My soul is hidden with God. I already know He loves me and I can be happy!

Abba, Father. You have already demonstrated your love for me in Jesus Christ. Help me base my self-worth, not on the opinions of others, but upon your grace, through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.